My preference for facial hair over clean-shaven faces is well known, but I was ruminating yesterday on why exactly that is. This article also does, although its conclusions are different than mine. I decided yesterday that there are three important things about facial hair.
One: it signals somewhat of a lack of familiarity with razors… and that usually means no unpleasant surprises when the man in question takes his clothes off. Seriously, if you’re not shaving your face, you’re probably not spending an inordinate amount of time creepily “manscaping” what lies beneath (note, I just retched somewhat typing the latter part of that sentence).
Two: it indicates with almost absolute certainty that there’s at least one part of a man’s face that isn’t being compulsively moisturized, plucked, or made up. These are uncertain times, and beards impart a certain sense of stability.
Three: Let’s be honest, “adulthood” as we once knew it is being indefinitely postponed, at least by everyone I know. When surrounded by man-children, beards are a way of saying “hey, I’m a fully grown man”, even if it’s just pretend. ‘Cause seriously, if you take the beard off that dude sprawled on yr couch playing videogames, you might just think twice.
The absolute best thing in the world is when you take a beautiful face and hide it under a big ol’ beard. Think Mark Morton, or Artimus Pyle back in the day… it’s like a secret, a hint of what is and what might be, and one of life’s hidden pleasures.
